Sunday, 5 February 2017

Notes from Years Past

February 4, 2017

Before I get to writing my post, a little news: I am going to be working on guest posts for a local Mommy Blog. I'm pretty excited about it. (Although, I've been meaning to post for a month, so I'm going to have to work hard at writing.) Here's the link to the bios for the guest bloggers: Mommy Connections Blog

Next, I have wanted to write this week, but my wonderful little eight month old has hit some sort of sleep regression. The Great and Powerful Google has agreed that he's not sleeping well with reasons that make a lot of sense - over stimulated from this great world, and major problems with being separated from his Momma.

He does sleep through the night, but he doesn't go to bed early anymore. I'm on my own for two weeks at a time. My partner works away from home for two weeks, and he is home for one week. My sweet baby has decided he can't sleep without me. So he's up until midnight in my arms because he cries and cries in his crib. I put him to bed when he's finally asleep. Lately, I'll put him to bed earlier when he's asleep, and he'll wake up and cry (and cry and cry). 

I know people use cry it out, and I do let him cry, but not only is it not my style, but it doesn't work for the amount of time I'm willing to give it.  I'll figure it out, but for now, my 'Me' time, is disrupted. It makes for an exhausted Momma, and also means I don't get that extra hour or two at night to read or write. It's been a tough week because it's just me and the babe. I'm his person, and I wouldn't want it any other way, but it has been a week full of tears. Mine and his.

Long story short, it's kept me from writing, and I've wanted to write.

The actual post:

I am always looking at the "On This Day" on Facebook. I post a lot on Facebook, so there's always something there, and I'm happy to see what I was up to. I like the memories that pop up.

Even the bad ones remind me of how far I've come.

Eight years ago, I participated in the note thing about 25 Random Things. I like to talk about myself so of course I did it.

I just tried to search for a photo of me eight years ago. Found one. 

And now: All my photos include a kid. 

This was also around the time I had a miscarriage. It was hard getting through it. Not because it was my great loss. I've seen what others go through, and my experience wasn't the same or as terrible, and I've experienced heart breaking losses. I don't think the miscarriage was.

The miscarriage was a confusing time for me. It was the first time I really felt that life had kicked me. I didn't understand why it happened. I got pregnant by accident. I was excited after getting over the shock. It all ended.

Now that I've given a little information about where I was at that point in my life, I've copied and pasted the note.

I guess I should also talk about why I'm sharing this because all Blog Posts should have a point. It's also good if they have to do with writing, but as we know, mine don't always.

I'm sharing it because that whole experience was why I started blogging. I had done a travel blog, but this was my life, it was real and it was hard. Although I wrote the note because it was a thing to do, it was also a way to get my feelings out into the world, if only to my small friends list. I didn't write about the miscarriage in the note because not everybody knew. It was before I realised it should be talked about.

Writing always helps, even if you are sorting out your feelings in a note that 50 other people had done in a day.

I'm going to comment after the facts (in italics) about my thoughts now compared to then. 

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you!

(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

1 I've been tagged a couple of times, and can't resist these things (that counts as a random fact!) And believe me I don't expect you guys to do this unless you want, just tagging those who might be interested. I'm also not tagging 25 people because thinking of 25 names of people just isn't on my list of things to do today.

The thought of tagging 25 people still seems daunting.

2 Although 2009 has only really lasted one month -it's been the toughest year I've ever had. Things can only get better. And will.

I can say with all honesty that the year continued to be tough. All of it. 2009 was not a good year for me or my family.

3 I don't like feet. I especially don't like when feet touch me for no reason other than to be mean.

I like my babies feet now. 

4 Bananas are the only food that I can't stand. I'll eat anything else. (I think).

Bananas are gross.
5 I believe you can find out about somebody's personality just by whether they like mushrooms or not. (I like them.)

Nah. I don't think that theory still holds true.
6 I'm an English major with bad grammar. 

Yep. Although I try to learn as much as I can.
7 I love to write, and am sad that I don't anymore. Life gets in the way. I plan to start again. (I already have).

I think I have more of a miniature reason for not writing as much as I'd like, but that's not an excuse. Just have to keep doing it. Writing,editing, and reading - it's always my goal to do more.
8 I miss travelling for many reasons. There is so much to see in the world, and it scares me that I may not get to. I also love the way it gets you away from real life. I could use a vacation.

I still miss travelling, but life is an adventure whether you're travelling or not. 

And yes. I could use a vacation.
9 I love my job, and I love the company that I work for. I have never before said that about a job -and I've had A LOT of jobs throughout the years.

Funny, that also came up yesterday in my On This Day. I quit almost a year to the day of posting this. The people were great. They were family to me for a time. Now I don't talk to them as much as I'd like. 
10 I have a great support system, and I sometimes feel bad for not taking people up on offers to talk whenever I need to. It would be good for me.

I still have a kick ass support system. I probably still don't ask for help as much as I should.
11 Being closer to home sometimes would help, but I survive, and even in this new place, have people who will help.

I'm pretty close to home now.
12 I love change. Being stuck in a routine scares the crap out of me.

Still does. 
13 Writing 25 random things about myself is tough.

Commenting on 25 random facts feels tough as well. (I'm going to bed as soon as I publish.)
14 I am highly emotional, and am pretty good at crying in front of people even though I HATE to do it. I'd rather people see me as strong and brave. That being said, I'm not good at getting my feelings out for that very reason.

Oh boy. I still cry in front of people, and still hate it. My job made me cry more times than I'd like to admit. My bosses saw me cry more times than I'd like to admit. I cry when I'm angry or upset or sad or hurt. 
15 I have never really had to deal with death except for pets. So far -not very good at it.

This statement is no longer true. That year, I lost two grandparents, and it kept on coming for five years after that. Sadly, I'm better at it.
16 Secretly (not so secretly since it's being posted on facebook) love that my cat only likes me. And gets a little jealous when he's nice to other people. 

That cat is now living with my sister, and now that wonderful and moody cat only loves her.
17 Could use a good cry at this very moment, and wonder if tears ever dry up.

I'm good.
18 I love to laugh. Not that random of a fact but true

Whoa. Random. I still love to laugh.
19 Never thought I'd say this, but I can't wait to have a child. (obviously, I will wait)

I waited eight years to have a baby. At times, I didn't think I'd have one. It was worth the wait, and he came when I was ready.
20 Love my past, and thinking about everything that got me to where I am.

True enough. I've done great things and I've met great people.
21 I am pretty excited for the future. -tomorrow, next month, next year -all of it.

22 I loves how trusting I am, but will admit it has probably gotten me into trouble.

I'm not sure where that random thought came from. I still trust.
23 Does not want to be a perfect little house wife -but really loves cooking.

I can't possibly be the perfect little house wife. I don't clean my house.
24 I miss my friends and family and hope I never stop.

True enough.
25 Is pretty happy that this is the last random thought. Harder than I thought. In fact, read quick because it may be deleted tomorrow.

I'm exhausted.

There you have it. Changes from eight years to today. I was in a lot of confusing pain back then. Things got worse before they got better. I like who I've become, and those years help. In eight years, I hope I say the same thing because I'll continue to change. I also learned to write about real things back then. Face my challenges through writing. It's a pretty important thing to learn.

Until next time. (Tomorrow??)

"Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

©ErinLeahMcCrea All photos I share on my blogs are my own, please Ask Me For Permission Before Using Them.

Also, check out my ongoing book blog:  Proud Bookworm at: 

Blogs I used to write on but not being updated:

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